Doing Alright

24th April – 6th May 2018

The past fortnight has been busy. I had my Masters graduation,  and some medical and family issues. It’s been kind of painful personally but productive in the way that it matters! I’ve been working on preparing for this presentation I have in mid-June as I really want it to be done by the end of May. I have such a busy time scheduled for the beginning of June.

So I’ve mainly been focusing in the last week or two on the historical research and reading what I can of what historians have written about themes present in the scene I’m working with. There’s lots to talk about and I might do a little more research but I think the historical part of the presentation just needs to be filled out and it’ll be pretty much ready to go.

This week I’m going to do some further research into the authors I’m talking about and focusing I think on doing some research into embodiment and really filling out and expanding my film analysis.

I’m also going to be really putting an effort into making sure I get on top of the admin stuff that I tend to push aside. I’m going to make sure to set aside time each day to work on those things, forms, emails, registering and applying for things etc, etc. I tend to go all in on a particular project or book or something and I’ve really got to balance all the aspects of the work including the bureaucracy, even though it might frustrate me.

So that’s the plan. I’m feeling a bit emotionally tired but I’m feeling good about the work so I’m hoping for a productive week.

 

Advertisements

Full Steam Ahead

16th – 23rd April 2018

I got a bit caught up and completely forgot about writing this yesterday! I had a decent but fairly relaxed week last week in the end. My dad took me out for my birthday and then a friend did the same and it was my monthly book club on Sunday. Not as much actual work got done as I would like in a normal week but I feel relaxed and energised and ready to crack on harder. Just an all-around more positive outlook than I feel I’ve had in a little while. Perhaps I needed to take a step back for a hot second to be able to take a few steps forward now.

I’ve mostly been focusing on the historical analysis side of the film. Looking into the facts of the issue I’m dealing with. I’m going to continue with this and then go back to the film analysis with some of this information in mind. I think that will inform not just what is being done cinematically but how that’s relating to the historiography. Filling in those helpful layers so I can put something good together for the full panel meeting next week.

I’ve still go to send something off to one of the historians that consulted on the film I’m working on (which is a little nerve wracking I’ll admit. Feels like cold calling someone) and I think I’m almost ready to put in the ECP (which seems ridiculous I feel like I’ve been messing around with that for far too long) and I should probably make an appointment with my school’s librarian as well soon. I’ve also been looking into the software for making clips. I downloaded Handbrake to have a go at that but it’s not reading my DVD properly and so I might have to either try and sort that out or just give up and invest in Tipard instead (which to be fair, I checked and probably looks like the better option).

In a nutshell, I feel like this week is going to be much better.

 

Today’s Mood: Frustration

9th – 15th April 2018 

I don’t really have anything to report this week because I feel somewhat like I’m in the same place as when I wrote this last week. I feel like I’ve progressed nowhere this week. Logically, this isn’t true. I put together the timeline chart for the Early Candidature Plan and I’ve put together shot lists for a few scenes from one of my movies but I also didn’t finish either of the things that I wanted to last week, that being the ECP in its entirety and Mr Smith Goes to Tokyo which frustrates me. I know that I’ve gotten things done and the shot lists for instance are already illuminating some interesting things for me but I still feel frustrated. I feel like I didn’t get enough done last week when I didn’t really do anything differently. Sometimes I won’t have gotten as much done but I know that there was I had a day where I had to do others things, or I took off, or I just wasn’t as focused or something but this week I really felt like I was working normally. Maybe I’m expecting too much of myself again but I felt like I really had a realistic goal for last week and have no real reason not to have met it.

I’m also getting frustrated with the way that I’m finding I’m putting little tasks off, admin stuff and things like that, and prioritising bigger things and then realising that I never did those tasks or I haven’t done them for weeks and that’s driving me a little mental. I guess though that it just means re-evaluating my schedule and setting time aside time to do those little things.

I don’t really have anything else to say, just got to make this week better. And work a little harder, especially as it’s my birthday this week and I’d like to be able to not to anything then.

Back on Track

2nd – 8th April 2018

This week felt productive! After carrying that yuck feeling about the synthesis into the beginning of the week, my meetings with my supervisors really helped sort me out. It was reassuring and constructive to get the feedback that the synthesis was actually alright for what it was. I think through talking about it I had to address how much my perfectionism when it comes to my writing can be a bit of a straitjacket. I have to relax and realise that not everything has to be a perfect mini version of my thesis, especially not at this point. I sometimes expect far too much of myself which is not so good for my productivity or for my mental health to be honest. Anyway, this is something I’m going to keep trying to work on.

Putting in the abstract to present at our history faculty’s In House felt really good! To be honest, I’m still quite intimidated by the prospect of doing it so I’m a bit proud of myself for just getting in there with it. I have a terrible tendency to simply avoid things that make me anxious but as that is going to get me approximately no where in the future, I’m feeling good about taking some steps to quit doing that. Big up my supervisors for their help and encouragement in this regard.

On this note, I now have to pick some scenes from my films to start working up shot lists for so I can present a proper in depth analysis. Its hard to limit myself to only certain scenes because ideally there’s so many I’d like to do. As it is I’ll have to just focus on a few for now.

I’m still reading Mr Smith Goes to Tokyo which is actually becoming a touch of a problem. I’m finding it so interesting that I’m reading it too slow. I like to think that I’ve gotten pretty decent at effectively skimming things so that I don’t sit and try to read every word of every book because I obviously don’t have the time for that. However, with this one I’ve found myself reading it almost word for word which isn’t I guess a bad thing because it’s relevant but it’s also taking more of my time that I would normally spend on one book. At least I’m gathering a lot of notes and interesting information I suppose.

So my plan for this week is to work on getting my shots lists together  so I can start really working on that analysis. I also want to get the Early Candidature Plan finished. I’m still working on putting that timetable together. I’ll finish Mr Smith this week and maybe have more of a look into the press for my films as well. Hopefully it will be another good week.

 

Crisis of Confidence

19th March – 1st April 2018

Last week I really didn’t think it was worth writing a blog because I got little to nothing done. I handed in the synthesis on the Monday I was feeling a bit yuck about it and then the next day I went to see Bruno Mars and then got a bit ill so I was pretty well wiped for most of the week. I did manage to get a bit of research done on some citations from stuff I’ve already read but otherwise I had a pretty dud week. The concert was great so there’s that at least.

This week has been a little better. I’m still feeling pretty crappy about the synthesis to be honest and it’s causing a bit of a spiral in my confidence. I’m looking forward to my supervisor meetings this week because I always find talking things through really helpful and often confidence building. I just didn’t really like how the synthesis came together and I’m not super proud of what I put forward which, because my brain is prone to overthinking, naturally led me to feeling sort of out of depth. I can rationalise that its early and I still have a lot of work to do and I’m obviously going to expand and perfect the analysis and the like so I’ve been trying to shake it off. This has also though, made it hard to approach the abstract for our uni’s History In House presentation, where the history faculty gets together once a semester to present and discuss their current projects. I’ve started working on it and I think I know probably how to go about it (though I’ve always been quite bad at abstracts which doesn’t help) but its just the confidence thing I guess getting a little too much in the way. I’m trying really hard to push through this though.

Otherwise I’ve been reading Mr Smith Goes to Hollywood which I’m finding really fascinating. Firstly just because I know next to nothing about the American occupation of Japan so its just interesting to learn a touch about that but also discovering how this intersected with film and censorship is really neat! I think its really interesting how the American occupation government had an eye on Japanese film as a means of trying to inform public opinion due in part to their experience with this with American films during the war. I’m enjoying this read a lot so far.

I’ve also been having a crack at filling it out my Early Candidature Plan as best I can at the moment. I’m still not quite sure when I should put that in but I don’t want to keep putting it off.

I think I’m going to be alright, I’ve just got to keep trucking along.

I hope everyone that celebrates has a good Easter!

Mrs. Miniver and Film as Propaganda

26th February – 4th March 2018

Unfortunately, this week doesn’t feel like it was nearly as productive as last week. Though I’m probably about to show myself that it wasn’t as bad as I feel like it was.

This week really turned out to be all about wartime propaganda. I read the chapters of One World, Big Screen that I felt were most relevant. These were the intro of course, one on internationalism in American cinema between 1939 and 1941 and one that focused specifically on British-American relations through the war and how this was depicted and strengthened through movies. This was a really interesting read that raised some points I had not considered before and gave me a lot to think about. It also included some stuff on a film I watched this week, Mrs. Miniver (1942). This was a film that was part of the Anglo-America propaganda effort and was, in part, meant to sell the American people on the British. It was hugely successful, commercially and critically, winning four Academy Awards in 1943 including Best Picture.

There is a fascinating depiction of the events of 1940 in Britain in the film that will be the focus of what I discuss in the preliminary analysis I’ll be handing over to my supervisors in a fortnight. It’s very much focused on the home front that I think, in and of itself, is really interesting. Its the first film that I’ve watched so far that’s solely about the civilian experience. Dunkirk (1958) flits between the civilians that contribute their boats and a military point of view, Dunkirk (2017) goes for the everyman experience, primarily from a soldier’s perspective, and Darkest Hour (2017) is obviously the ruling class’s perspective. Perhaps most interestingly, it is the only film so far that is primarily a woman’s point of view. Both Dunkirks barely have female speaking roles at all and Darkest Hour, aside from some ladies in a scene in which Churchill, rather bizarrely, catches the Underground, involves only a secretary and Clementine, Churchill’s wife, neither or which have almost anything of value to contribute to the story except selling the fact that men died and it was sad. That aspect might be worth looking into. (I appear not to be able to escape my interest in depictions of women).

Otherwise, this week I ventured to Bowral to see Darkest Hour again and had a lovely relaxing day as I found a nice little cafe down there to do some reading as well. I also went to the PhD Orientation which was basically just a bunch of advice being thrown at us which was nothing I hadn’t heard yet but still nice to hear again. We did a little bit of a writing exercise and I ended up just freewriting about some ideas for the synthesis that I’ll be handing in so all in all a good day.

Next week I’ll be continue to work on this synthesis, going through Imagining Realities, returning to an article on Oliver Stone and Platoon and writing up my analyses ready to go.

Tangential Rants and the First Postgrad Day

19th-25th February 2018.

For the record, I wrote this last Saturday and then forgot to actually post it. Great job me! 

I feel like I’ve had a reasonably productive week and as I’m coming to the end of it, although for some reason I feel incredibly tired, I’m also feeling positive.

I have routine now that I’m feeling comfortable with, including scheduled time for new research, reading, and watching relevant films/series as well as things like cleaning the house and seeing a movie which I find help me keep my head on. I like having scheduled time for those sorts of non-research activities because I feel like if I didn’t I’d find excuses to do them when I should probably be doing something important for my research.

I met with my supervisors this week and, as usual, it was relaxing. To be honest I rather look forward to my meetings. I feel like I can get a little adrift by myself sometimes and to have time to talk things over and get direction and sometimes reassurance is really helpful. This meeting we decided on my first deadline, which is great for me because it gives me the feeling of working towards something. Of course I should be consistently working toward my CoC but I’ve never been excellent at thinking long term so seven or so months until the CoC perhaps doesn’t register as seriously in my head as it definitely should. Thus, short term deadlines are always good for me. Hopefully this time around I can get on top of my persistent problem with procrastination and treat deadlines as less of a challenge. We’ve decided that what I’ll hand in in three weeks time is a synthesis of the literature I’ve read thus far, including preliminary analysis of the films I’ve been watching.

Speaking of literature, I’ve read some interesting stuff this week. I read an article about the two Churchill films from 2017, Churhill and Darkest Hour from the New York Review of Books. It was fascinating! It discussed not just those films but the history of Churchill on film and how that helped to establish a particular persistent idea of Churchill as a kind of mythological figure. It also discusses how a cult of Churchill formed in America and how American presidents from JFK onward have used Churchillian rhetoric to try to win favour and justify their policies.

The author of this article, Geoffrey Wheatcroft is not particularly fond of historical films it seems, feeling that they give audiences a false sense of history, which I think is a bit simplistic. However, he ends the article with a quote from Orwell’s 1984 which stuck with me a bit: “Who controls the past controls the future; who controls the present controls the past.” This is naturally ominous but it is applicable, and slightly concerning, when it comes to historical films. The people with the ability to fund and make these films control the depiction of the past so its important to be aware of the power structures at work. Think about Birth of a Nation (1915) which is considered by many to be the first historical feature film of note and is unbelievably racist. Or even just how many depictions of white men doing heroic things there are out there compared to the amount about people of colour or women. I guess this is a tangent but something I should keep in mind given that I’m looking at films that essentially are about white men doing heroic things. We must always try to be aware of who a narrative is benefiting and who it is explicitly or implicitly excluding and for me, its important to note that people of colour are largely missing from the films I’m discussing though their presence at the time is indisputable. I should endeavor to make a point of this.

Anyway, I went to the first postgraduate day yesterday (Friday 23rd) which was excellent! It was really a kind of introductory day to meet people starting or continuing their PhD and some of the staff. The first session of the day was a talk by Associate Professor Chris Fleming and was incredibly useful. He gave a lot of tips about writing that were so useful. He talked about not waiting to start writing which I always need to be reminded of because I can fall into the habit of feeling like I need to read absolutely everything before I can possibly be ready to write. He also did a really handy thing where he broke down all writing as doing two things: moving back and forth between the abstract and the concrete and between exposition and response. Essentially, he was saying that all good writing, in the humanities at least, should move between a general concept or theme and concrete, specific examples. So I might be talking about historical films but I am addressing certain films in particular. Or to tighten further, I might be talking about second world war films but specifically ones that are about Dunkirk. Also, all writing is explaining what someone else said or did and a response to that, whether that response be critique or classification or contextualisation or whatever. I found that it was really helpful to think about it that way. It sort of reminded me that while I have to talk about specific examples, I should also be relating them to wider ideas so that those examples have a clear relevance and that I should be making sure that I’m analysing everything that I’m using whether they be written texts or films. There’s no point including something if I can’t explain why its relevant.

The rest of the day involved talking about what postgrad activities were taking place during the year, such as the postgrad conference and various seminars as well as learning about the support services and resources available to us. We also spoke to some students who had just finished their first year and who gave some great advice about the CoC and surviving and balancing research and life. We also got a copy of the Early Candidature Plan Form so I have a better sense of what I’ve got to do for that.

Next week I’ll be sorting out resources that I gather in my undergrad and over the course of the MRes,  and I’m going to watch another film and return to one I’m not familiar enough with to write the analysis. I’ve also got a book on WWII, the allies and propaganda, and one on documentary theories to go through. Aiming to keep up my momentum from this week!

I’m Back!

Hello! Its been a while, I know. Things got a little crazy toward the end of my Masters. But, it was all worth it because I ended up handing in a Masters thesis that earned me a High Distinction and got me into my PhD program with a full scholarship! So basically I ended the most stressful year of my life to date and decided what to do next was to dive straight in to what will probably be three more incredibly stressful years.

I’m excited though, I have to say. I’ve just really gotten back into it, knuckling down on the early stages of the research, reading widely and as much as possible. I had my first proper meeting with my supervisory panel last week which went well and really hyped me up to get going again. My two supervisors from my Masters have come with me into my PhD which is brilliant and I couldn’t be more grateful to them. I’ve also got a new addition who is an expert in the area of history I think I’m going to look into and who is just a lovely, incredibly intelligent woman. I’m excited to work with her.

So yes, back at it. This time I’m going to continue my research into history and film in a similar way to what I did in my Masters. At this point my plan is to look into the recent spate of British films and television series that are returning to and reimagining the early Second World War, specifically Dunkirk and Churchill. I also plan to investigate the reception of these films and series which is an area of my Masters thesis that I basically ignored due to the time and space constraints on my paper.

Hopefully I’ll be more active on here, tracking my PhD journey, updating on the research process and sharing the lessons that I learn from the wonderful and learned people around me and from the mistakes I’m sure I will inevitably make.

Wish me luck!

 

 

Research Update 16/05/2017

I realise it’s been a month since I last did an update and while I’ve been really busy and have accomplished things in the meantime, I think I’ve been missing this time to reflect on what I’m doing. I do feel like I’m making progress which is great of course but every now and then I hit a problem that sends me back a step.

Finishing a first draft of the first chapter feels really great and like I have some tangible evidence that I’m getting somewhere. The feedback on it from my supervisors was so helpful and insightful and it’s incredibly comforting to know that my work will only get better and tighter with that guidance. Now though, it’s past time to get stuck into the meaty parts of the thesis.

I’ve been working on Elizabeth (1998) and I’m not entirely sure why I started with this film. I honestly think I just had it on the brain and I guess it’s the most visible depiction of Elizabeth I in recent decades. I’ve been going over those key scenes in it that I think are pivotal to understanding her representation, particularly in regard to gender. The more I go over them the more things I notice which is great. I’ve tried to go over them, first just in general a bunch of times and them with specific things in mind, like space, lighting, camera angles, performance etc. I’m particularly interested in the way Kapur uses light and colour to differentiate Elizabeth from the other characters, particular as this is also a moral differentiation. He creates a real visual dichotomy between good (Elizabeth for the most part) and evil (those that would bring her harm, namely any and all Catholic characters). So I’ve been exploring that and writing up my thoughts as well as looking into what others have written about the film.

I have hit a bit of a roadblock with the film aspect as I’m having some second thoughts about the themes. The more I think about it, the more problematic the woman/queen idea becomes to me. I’m wondering if it might be best to attack the films/series first. Perhaps if I picked the ones I find most interesting and analyse them properly and then re-evaluate the themes from there. It would be looser and I would have to go back and look over them again in particular reference to whatever theme I ended up going with and it scares me a little as it feels like a move backward but I wonder if it might be the better course in the long run.

Other than that I did read an interesting article recently. It was the article Judith sent me, “Films as Historical Sources or Alternative History” by Anirudh Deshpande. What I thought was interesting was that he is arguing that film is a form of history in the same way that oral history is and that this means that, as has been argued with oral history, to privilege written history is to also privilege the kinds of histories and the people who record their history this way and leave others out. He says,

If historians choose to stick to documentary sources they do end up limiting the scope of their enterprise. They will then consciously turn their back on those people who may not figure in documentary sources but might appear as crucial traces in visual sources of both past and present. (4456)

He argues essentially, in a kind of flipping of the argument we find in Image as Artifact, that written/archival sources should be supplemented with visual sources. It’s interesting to me that both arguments want to use both written and visual sources but come at it from different perspectives. Deshpande also argues that the emotional and personal elements of a historical film are its strongest. I think there’s some interesting perspectives in there I could perhaps incorporate.

I have to report the awful as well as the good I suppose so I should mention that I had a rather colossal stuff up. I entirely misread a source and then when writing about it, consequently misrepresented it. Obviously this is a HUGE no-no and I take such pride in my work usually that this mistake really threw me. It makes me both incredibly angry and frankly, embarrassed because it was such a lazy mistake and should never have happened. On the bright side, if there is one, it is not a mistake I will allow myself to make again.

Source:
Deshpande, Anirudh. “Films as Historical Sources or Alternative History.” Economic and Political Weekly 39, no. 40 (2004): 4455-59.

Research Update 17/04/2017

This fortnight has largely been focused on thinking through and writing on methodology. It’s been a good process. The more I write the clearer things become.

First of all, it’s become clear to me in writing about methodology that my grasp of film theory is a little lacking. I found that when it came to describing how exactly I’ll approach the films and things like what exactly I mean by terms like mise-en-scéne, I couldn’t pull up the theory and the literature that I need. This sent me into a bit of a spin at first but at the end of the day, the only thing that will fix that is doubling down on the film research for a hot second.

Secondly, I worked out what I don’t really like about O’Connor. Although his method allows the space for serious film analysis, he and the scholars contributing to Image as Artifact are still coming from the perspective that traditional history is still the most important and the best means of assessing any historical piece. This is understandable given the time it was written, O’Connor’s position as a historian, and his intention that this method be applied in a history classroom. What it means though it that the areas of the methodology that fit more easily with standard historical methods, namely tracking down production histories through archival research, are the most thought out and considered aspects of the method presented in Image as Artifact and the film studies aspects are far less developed (though there are still some really interesting ideas in there). Also, it feels as if O’Connor and co. are still trying to fit film studies into historical studies.

Thirdly, despite this I found that I still feel the method can work. It is unsurprising that O’Connor’s attitude in the early 1990s would be the way it is. As such, I think for its time the method was still a great move forward in the field of film and history. I feel that if I bring it even further and dispense with the idea that historical methods are paramount (they are still absolutely crucial of course, I’m definitely not arguing to get rid of them) and taking the film analysis sections more seriously, the method can still be incredibly useful. I feel as if the method needs to be taken to a conclusion that O’Connor himself seemed still a little hesitant to reach. Film studies perhaps doesn’t need to fit into historical studies but rather they could meet somewhere more in the middle.

I’ve also had a few issues this fortnight trying to get that thesis/life balance right. Easter time is always a little busy for me, my family celebrates it and it’s birthdays all around (including my own) and finding the ability to say ‘I can’t do this thing because of my thesis’ has been really hard. I’ve never been very good at saying no to my family and close friends and I feel that now it’s expected of me to do everything, both by me and by them and it becomes this big loop of guilt for me about either/or not doing enough work and not doing enough with or for my family (though I know that they would of course understand). Not to mention, with my head, sometimes stupid things knock me out. I had a panic attack last week about almost losing a ring and it took me out all day which again, makes me feel really guilty. I’m just trying to work out how to balance these things at the moment and some days it’s harder than others. I think I have to learn how to live with being a bit selfish from time to time for my own greater good.