Crisis of Confidence

19th March – 1st April 2018

Last week I really didn’t think it was worth writing a blog because I got little to nothing done. I handed in the synthesis on the Monday I was feeling a bit yuck about it and then the next day I went to see Bruno Mars and then got a bit ill so I was pretty well wiped for most of the week. I did manage to get a bit of research done on some citations from stuff I’ve already read but otherwise I had a pretty dud week. The concert was great so there’s that at least.

This week has been a little better. I’m still feeling pretty crappy about the synthesis to be honest and it’s causing a bit of a spiral in my confidence. I’m looking forward to my supervisor meetings this week because I always find talking things through really helpful and often confidence building. I just didn’t really like how the synthesis came together and I’m not super proud of what I put forward which, because my brain is prone to overthinking, naturally led me to feeling sort of out of depth. I can rationalise that its early and I still have a lot of work to do and I’m obviously going to expand and perfect the analysis and the like so I’ve been trying to shake it off. This has also though, made it hard to approach the abstract for our uni’s History In House presentation, where the history faculty gets together once a semester to present and discuss their current projects. I’ve started working on it and I think I know probably how to go about it (though I’ve always been quite bad at abstracts which doesn’t help) but its just the confidence thing I guess getting a little too much in the way. I’m trying really hard to push through this though.

Otherwise I’ve been reading Mr Smith Goes to Hollywood which I’m finding really fascinating. Firstly just because I know next to nothing about the American occupation of Japan so its just interesting to learn a touch about that but also discovering how this intersected with film and censorship is really neat! I think its really interesting how the American occupation government had an eye on Japanese film as a means of trying to inform public opinion due in part to their experience with this with American films during the war. I’m enjoying this read a lot so far.

I’ve also been having a crack at filling it out my Early Candidature Plan as best I can at the moment. I’m still not quite sure when I should put that in but I don’t want to keep putting it off.

I think I’m going to be alright, I’ve just got to keep trucking along.

I hope everyone that celebrates has a good Easter!

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